Saying Goodbye is Never Easy

It has been quite a while since I found time to write for the blog and I do apologize. It has been a whirlwind of a life since I last posted on the 10th of Nov. I will approach this in 4 posts/phases and try to remember to post them in order so that you read them chronologically from top to bottom. This post will talk about the unfortunate circumstances that caused me to return to the States for a week and a half. The other posts will be about the holidays and my teaching.

It is the 29th of December as I am writing this. I can tell you, it feels like much a different time. Two weeks ago I lost someone very dear to me, my Uncle Sam. He meant a lot to me and my sister and I considered him a very strong father-figure in my life. I knew as soon as I heard that his health had taken a dark plunge, that I might face returning to the States. He left us the next day. I awoke to read the message from my sister and immediately set the wheels in motion to return to the States.

It didn’t take any arguing or convincing with my program or my university that I would be leaving within 24hrs. My request was so well received that I was really moved by the Turks (again) for their unconditional generosity. When the Turks find out that there has been a tragedy in someone’s life, they have a saying that translates to something like “May your head be healthy,” meaning they sympathize with the emotions one goes through at times like this. There is a response saying that means something like “Let our friends be healthy,” an acknowledgement of the sympathy. Those phrases are what really define the Turkish culture. Not what FOX news wants you to believe, is it?

I taught my classes on Thursday as usual and then hopped on an 11 hr bus to Istanbul and then began the flight process back to the States. I was very lucky to get an emergency exit seat on the long flight from Istanbul to New York. I was also very prepared for the journey and stopped at the pharmacy in Yozgat to get some sleeping pills. I was shocked to find out 20 pills that were prescription strength cost me $1.75! Yea, social health care really sucks!

I don’t want to go in to long detail about the funeral because we all know how they are. I will like to mention the often overlooked aspect of a death, and that is the ripple effects. My Uncle Sam was a very influential person in his life time. He had gathered a very eclectic group of friends that one might not expect him, a white conservative, hard-working blue collared man, to have. That was my favorite aspect about him- he always played a role, but underneath, he was a very real person who connected with people on the most basic human levels, he was compassionate.

Yes, there is a loss- he is never going to shake my hand in his customary handshake or have funny arguments about FOX news (he was an avid watcher and knew how much I can’t stand it!)- but there is a legacy that will continue. Most importantly, however, deaths remind us of our own mortality and help us to realize the important aspects of life lie within the relationship we harbor with each other, not about petty grudges or material gain.

I was moved more than once on this trip, but when my cousin asked me to be a Pall Bearer for my Uncle Sam, I was shocked and honored. I was reminded that family is family, despite the differences that define us as individuals. I think this reminder helped me to look at the family in a different way, to understand us all.

The most cliché: I wish it were under other circumstances was repeated over and over this past week. I just hope we all can find the right “circumstances” to have such a warm and meaningful reunion, maybe not all together, but on a person to person level.